Life is a journey and I am a perpetual traveler...
Once upon a time there was a woman who was strong and confident on the outside, but on the inside she was sad, confused and miserable in her carefully curated life. I’m not sure at what point I lost my sense of self. Could it have been in the womb while my mother inflicted herself with drugs? Could it have been in early childhood when I was teased for looking so different from my peers or a host of other childhood experiences that left me feeling alone and insecure? The years of trauma I endured, one abusive relationship after another, alcohol abuse and a painstakingly low sense of self-worth, perhaps all of the above? What I do know is that the culmination of events, compounded by pain and fear had me living a lie. I didn’t know who I was or why I felt so empty. No matter what I accomplished…..and the accomplishments were many, I never felt like I was worthy or that I belonged…..anywhere. I would vacillate between arrogance and insecurity, at times I felt like I was going crazy. Yet somehow I knew that deep within the depths of my soul… somewhere, the real me resided waiting to be freed from all the doubt and self-induced misery. I wasn’t ready to give up, I still had a will to survive this journey called life, I still had hope.
Year after year, I performed. Year after year, I felt increasingly disconnected from what others would consider an amazing and prosperous life, yet I had no satisfaction, no peace and only brief moments of fleeting happiness. When it all became too much, I turned to western medicine. I pursued therapy for a time, which in all honesty helped me very little. It was cathartic to have a sounding board, but ultimately did not provide me with any real clarity as to how I could transform my experiences and desolate feelings into positive affirmations and self-healing. When therapy and self-medication through alcohol, drugs and sex did not ease my burden, I sought psychiatry and prescription drugs, which further desecrated my mind, body and soul. My stint with psychiatric medications was short-lived because they made me feel even more emotionally and physically imbalanced, and wasn’t the point of all this to feel better? I was completely lost and did not see a way to soothe my dis-ease.
Although I was miserable on the inside, I always was able to maintain a healthy image or rather a façade to those looking in. After years of depression and anxiety, of agony, I came to my breaking point and at that moment the universe stepped in. I had suffered deep emotional loss and was grieving the death of both my parents and the health of one of my children. At first, I started noticing signs and synchronicities which in retrospect may have always been there, but perhaps I was so distracted by the trials and tribulations of life I never noticed. The universe had begun speaking to me in code. God must have decided that I had endured enough and it was time for me to wake up to a consciousness that I never imagined possible. At first the nudge was subtle, but my friends will tell you there is nothing really subtle about me hence, I barely noticed. When the nudge didn’t get my attention, my whole world began to implode. My family, career, finances, systematically began to crumble.
It was at this point that I had to make a choice, do I continue to perpetuate this charade or leap into the unknown? I had been getting the message from the divine to leap, but the fear of loss of control (or what I thought I was controlling) of my life was crippling until one day I just said “fuck it”! “I am so fucking miserable and I have nothing to lose”. I cried for like 10 days straight, quit my job and booked a spiritual retreat to Mexico (see the review and info about the retreat here). This decision would change my life forever.
“Kambo opened my heart, coursed through my veins and found the most broken parts of me and emotionally, physically and energetically cleansed my body to the most pure I have ever been. ”
Immediately after I quit my job and booked the retreat, I felt a huge sense of relief. I had been getting messages that there was something for me in Mexico but had no clue as to what is was. The retreat specialized in plant medicine and I had been researching Ayahuasca and how it had transformed so many lives. I was hopeful that it could provide the clarity and healing I so desperately needed. Little did I know, that the Ayahausca ceremony, while profound, would not be the impetus to my miraculous healing. Rather, an introduction to an Amazonian tree frog known as Kambo or Sapo would be the connection that would put me on a path to a beautiful healing journey to self-love and acceptance that I never imagined possible.
The beautiful Spirit of Sapo saved me heart and soul. While it does have the ability to heal physical disease and sickness, it saved me from myself. Kambo opened my heart, coursed through my veins and found the most broken parts of me, and emotionally, physically and energetically cleansed my body to its purest form. Whereas, before I could not truly connect with others, I found that through my connection to the frog, I was able to access a part of my being that I had been given clues to its existence, but had never actually experienced with such clarity. You see, I have been given a gift by the universe to feel energy, see energy, hear “messages”, possess a strong “inner knowing” and have the ability to tap into other people’s energy to heal sickness and emotional wounds. This revelation was a lot to comprehend, and you could say that at the time I was still a skeptic, but the message from the Spirit of Sapo came through loud and clear that this was a path I was supposed to pursue. I no longer ignored the messages I was receiving because they were leading me somewhere...I could feel it.
This is when I began to research Kambo more closely and what it would take for me to become a practitioner. There were several organizations world-wide that offered Certified Kambo Practitioner training courses but I was looking for something special. I wanted an authentic experience, rooted in tradition. I was being called to the jungle, but COVID was going strong and it was difficult to find any healing centers that were open let alone, providing training. That is when I came across Rainforest Healing Center (https://rainforesthealingcenter.com). I read the entire webpage in one sitting and knew that this was the place for me. After I had my interview with Omar and Ximena, I was sure that this was the organization that I would choose for my Kambo training. Omar teaches the Matses way and I feel it is very important to uphold tradition and maintain authenticity when dealing with such a sacred healing medicine. It was the best decision I ever made.
“Upon the completion of this training, I felt happy, confident and ready to embark on a journey to bring this beautiful healing modality to communities that would not necessarily be open to alternative medicines to treat emotional trauma, sickness and disease. ”
The training consisted of 6 distance learning sessions on theory prior to the 8 day practical training days of intense healing and connection to the medicine. The online training portion was very helpful to get a good understanding about Kambo, its capabilities, healing properties and its sacred roots and tradition. Upon commencement of the practical training, we started working with the medicine on Day Two and all I can say is wow, it was incredible! We worked with the medicine 4 times a day, 2 times dosing and 2 times receiving. This allowed me to connect on a very deep level to myself, the medicine, universal energy and the people I was working with. It amplified my intuition ten-fold, and cracked open my heart chakra, third eye and crown. I could touch someone’s hands, sync with their breathing look into their eyes and see into their heart, mind and soul…seriously…wow! This deep spiritual connection allowed me to assist my clients/cohorts with their intention setting and delve into their core issues where healing was needed the most. Being spiritually attuned also helps significantly when facilitating the actual ceremony. Imagine that you are a conduit for facilitation of the medicine. Kambo already knows what it needs to do, we learn that our role is to maintain safety, set and setting and use our connection with the Spirit of Sapo and the client to facilitate the purge/release of energy and toxins trapped within the body.
Upon the completion of this training, I felt happy, confident and ready to embark on a journey to bring this beautiful healing modality to communities that would not necessarily be open to alternative medicines to treat emotional trauma, sickness and disease. I am so grateful for this experience on so many levels. It brought me to a sense of closure on issues that I didn’t even know I had. It helped integrate my body, mind and soul, transformed how I view who and what I am, showed me how to love and accept myself and most importantly it illuminated my heart full of love and gratitude for the medicine, myself and a beautiful connection to everything around me.
Of special note are the beautiful people photographed above. Each and every one them were integral in my healing journey. I love you Kelly, Eric, Brie, Alyssa, Kat and Walker so very much and am blessed to have crossed paths with such an amazing group of like-minded souls! Special shout out to Omar Gomez, my mentor and guide, Jenn Jensen, my soul sister, mentor and guide and Ximena Garcia, my light, my guide, I am forever grateful for this new journey and mi Familia de Sapo!